Friday, March 9, 2012

better luck next time!

How many times do you find yourself wondering “damn! I wanted that!” ,, well for my case let’s just say it happens more than often! :/ ….. it’s a common problem finding yourself surpassed and side-lined by someone way less deserving than you ! but sometimes it’s just like ,seriously! Ohh him/her too,,, sometimes this makes me wonder,, what makes me the least favourite :O :/ …… what makes me the last in the line for everything, literally!!  Mostly what do people do,, write and sob about it in there diaries,,or whatever! But has it ever been that you don’t want to talk about it,, I mean has this feeling of “not –being-good-enough”  been so strong and over whelming that you just wanted to continue like nothing really matters , I’ll get over it,,I don’t need to talk about it with anybody and I CERTAINLY don’t want to cry! But here’s the thing ….we all know IT MATTERS!! Its easy to read quotations and emotional mop-to-top stories but that’s maybe just a film or probably a book aiming to make tons of money by exploring[euphemistic word for OUTRIGHT EXPLOITATION ] this side of readers, in the real world that’s not how it works!! You lose something ,, and you HOPE to win some … there remains no assurance so as to whether you will!
You know I wonder of how people talk about the extraordinary personalities and what it would feel to be them, think about the people holding authoritative and important positions , what it would TAKE to be them, how EXTRAORDINARY!
But what I feel is, does anybody realise how difficult it is for an individual to be ORDINARY! What it feels like to be not-the headturner  and not the special one that everybody eagerly awaits at a party!
Amidst all of this your heart and mind keep exploring and fathoming what is it that you could be good at! I mean that’s what everybody says right,,,, EVERYBODY IS GOOD AT SOMETHING OR THE OTHER! You try your hand at a few, and for a change you work hard , DAMN HARD! And whether anybody really knows or not, but the blow that comes smashing down to your face dawning upon the realization on you that YOU WERENT GOOD ENOUGH”  and you knw wot they all say,, better luck next time,, i'm sure the next round is yours! And all that shit!
It’s only the one who has been there knows how heart-sinking it is! To work your day and night and put all your heart and soul into something and in the end watch somebody else grab it and walk away! It hurts only when you know that he/she did not deserve it! atleast not more than you did!
Recently I read a blog, about how its human nature to feel that “we don’t always get what we deserve” and the question that followed it "DO YOU WANT TO GET WHAT YOU DESERVE" I mean if god-almighty started to give us our fair share of luck , happiness, success, joy and subsequently starting punishing us for our sins and deeds,
If there started a calculating machine  , recording all the good and evil we do, and eventually assigning us our fair share for the same!
That made me wonder,, would I rather be happier  that way or this way?
Contemplation , comprehension and thoughts followed this question !
I still don’t have an answer to it

But  it did make wonder,  some times we get less dan what we deserve and sometimes more
All This  disappointment , despair and discontent  renders us with 1 good thing that oddly enough also stands to be our strength for the next goal,  this thing is“HOPE” , a hope that there is some thing  better!!! bigger!! planned for us!
My moment is still ahead of me, I have yet to experience it!
This yanks my chain  of  aspirations, efforts, hard work and leads me to get to working my socks off , maybe this time for the better :) ;)

Friday, March 2, 2012

When I’m high!

I can be whatever I want when I’m high
Like riding high seas or rocking the desert dry
I can go touch the sky or just lie to the ground
Nothing matters and everything spins whizzing round
Life seems like a ride when I’m high
I can swing on the starry light from the sky
Can’t seem to care whether its true but I see so much delight
Pirouetting, comes the smile ditching all
Because the night never felt so much bright!
I babble all that I ever dreamt of having,
All those don’t matter who thought of this as perennial irksome brawling
With a flagrant attitude I’m a fan of myself
All ready for the world, I can’t get tired of being full of myself
Emancipated and feel the vanishing of my liabilities
Sobriety can’t bring the guilty pleasure of this variety
A beat-down of the ephemeral gloomy times to the uber luxury mode
Bidding adieu to servitude when I’m riding on this road
Ethereal beauty that sways in with the refreshing of my memory archive
I remember all times and all those who ever mattered, it’s like a memory dive
Amid the Cascading crusade of my emotions and conscience I smile and I cry
Life is small and being loved is rare, not anymore I would deny
How silly it it sounds that only when I’m high
I feel so full of life and know who’s an ally
I love so much but don’t know how to show
Yes I’m high, yet so close to myself though